Surrendering to life
How my mission unfolded
A journey of discovery, that's how I experience life. Curious about the magic that connects everything. With a deep knowing that with patience and trust this magic will gradually unfold.
Multidimensional sound healer, shaman, soul activator, cosmic traveler, catalyst or… energetic vacuum cleaner
Some people call me a multidimensional sound healer, others see me as a shaman, a channel, a soul activator, an intuitive, a metaphorical storyteller, a cosmic traveler, a catalyst or even an energetic vacuum cleaner. If you mix it all together, I think you’ll get close to describing what I do. I follow the subtleties of energy and have learned over the years to detect and transform resistance.
Resistance tries to suppress the flow of life. The curtains that are draped around your essence, created by your mind, influence that natural flow that sparkles deep within you. That lively current of vibrant energy where your inner truth resides is the origin of everything. The more you are connected to that, the more effortless you can dance with everything that life presents you with. Essentially, that’s your mind being in harmony with your heart. From this place you live in total surrender and you walk the path of unity consciousness. And I’d like to offer my contribution for you to experience that harmony.
I’d like to take you on the journey of the unfolding of my own path. Here’s my story.
My journey of discovery gained momentum back in 2010 when I was forced to take a break. I’ve used the word burnout for years, but now I prefer to call it a rigorous wake-up call. Something deep inside me made me realize that it was time for a big cleanse on all levels; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And so it happened. Despite the exhaustion I felt an unshakeable drive to get myself back on track.
A twofold focus unfolded: raw food and writing. A world opened up to me and I knew that the combination of both would bring me back into balance. For weeks I drank detoxifying vegetable juices and discovered all sorts of vitalizing raw dishes. It tasted delicious and it felt good. With a strong feeling of hope and trust, over the course of the three months that followed my body regained its strength.
My other focus was writing. I would write in my diary for hours every day. I had come to realize that for years I had been pushing a big ball under water. The ball was full of unprocessed emotions. My writing was like a stage and I gave everything inside of me a voice and the opportunity to expose and express itself. The long hidden voices were now all being heard and carefully listened to. These voices were the voices of my inner child. My control mechanisms had long been accustomed to strictly silence these inner voices, but (fortunately) that was no longer possible.
"I entered the world of my subconscious, the unseen. The world that had long been hidden and withdrawn from my awareness."
At a certain moment mid-2010, I saw a vision. It was the first time I experienced this and the image I saw overwhelmed me with unconditional love and a feeling of total freedom. It felt like a thread was now connected between that image and my heart. From that moment onwards I knew what my compass was in life. This love and freedom I had felt became my goal. With that also came the knowing that in order to experience that in my daily life I had to clean up everything that was standing in the way.
It was as if I was moving with a headlamp through pitch-black underground corridors. The headlamp (my writing) was my anchor, my focus and at the same time the spotlight that illuminated that which was ready to merge with the light. Essentially, everything that was ready to come to my awareness. I wrote on average about four hours a day for seven years. Sleep was regularly exchanged for writing as the night often turned out to be the moment when everything wanted to come to the surface.
"I felt like a wizard’s apprentice who was being trained and prepared in warp speed for her mission."
A mission that could not be captured in words yet. All this was mainly happening behind the scenes because how was I ever able to explain this? Words could not express any of what was going on. The books that I had bought were almost all left untouched on my bookshelves. The book I had to study was my own book. At first sight this book was unreadable to me, in the language of my subconscious. But I gradually learned to decode the language and discovered what my 'book' wanted to reveal to me.
I experienced increasing synchronicity in my life and began to see that my experience of the outside world is a reflection of my inner world. By bringing my inner world more in harmony I saw my outside world change accordingly. I learned the art of letting go of control; not wanting to impose changes on myself, but quietly waiting for the right moment to arrive for changes to occur.
I started to become more and more sensitive and frequently experienced a multitude of energies around me. More often than not, I was shaken to my core and when that happened I forced myself to focus on my inner alignment to regain my balance. It was a daily training of focus and (light) strength. Everything that would get me out of balance was a disguise of my invisible teacher who had a lesson in store. I knew even in these volatile times I was increasingly becoming both softer and stronger at the same time. I was getting closer to my goal: love and freedom.
"Even the darkest shadows of fear and control are essentially light."
By learning to embrace everything that lived within and around me, I learned to see unity in everything. Everything is energy and essentially everything is light. Even the darkest shadows of fear and control are essentially light. As a result, I learned to let go of my judgments about what was right and wrong. It’s all part of the whole. I no longer had to fight against what I previously perceived as ‘wrong’, because in essence there is no wrong. That’s just a label we put on things ourselves. I was able to fully allow that 'apparent wrong' into my being and transform the associated fears and stories of my mind.
Traveling in the subconscious
In December 2012 I briefly fell in love with a man I met during a holiday in the Cathar region of France. This time opened new doors for me and my writing flow became increasingly stronger. At some point I sent this man one of my writings because I felt it was such a special story to share. His surprised reaction led me to a deep realization. "This is the story of my own life," he said. That was the moment I realized that I was actually reading the subconscious of others.
"What I had done in the thousands of hours for myself also proved to be an effective and transforming path for others."
From that moment on I knew that I could be of service to others in creating clarity in the apparent entanglements of their subconscious. I started giving energetic healing sessions in which I took people on a journey through their subconscious. Just as I had done for myself through writing all these years. Every time I was able to merge more of my own shadow sides with the light, resulted in an increased deepening of the sessions with my clients. As within, so without. Over the years I gave these sessions a name and called them Shamanic Soul Journeys: multidimensional journeys through the subconscious.
Raw food book
In 2014 I published my recipe and inspiration book “LekkerRaw (DeliciouslyRaw) - For the love of pure”. Raw food had been the most appropriate food and lifestyle at that moment in my life, as the increased cleansing of my physical body made me more receptive to higher, loving frequencies. It contributed to a sustainable and effortless flow of energy in my life. It also contributed to detoxifying my pineal gland, the third eye that provides access to your higher consciousness, to other dimensions and to the magic that connects everything.
Low frequency energy (such as emotions of fear, anger and powerlessness) is stored in the form of toxins in your body and they partly determine your unconscious patterns. By releasing these toxins and by nurturing my body with the vitalizing raw food nutrition I also released old limiting programs (habits and beliefs). New constructive programs that were connected with the essence of life overwrote these limiting programs. Everything is energy. Everything has a frequency.
Magical Es Vedrá
October 2015 was another milestone on my journey of discovery. I got introduced to the magical energy of Es Vedrá, a rock in the sea off the coast of Ibiza, Spain. The visions kept flooding in and I literally saw all the colors of the rainbow in the form of energy balls appearing around the rock. I felt that this place is a portal to other dimensions and that in that moment the portal was opened within me. I didn’t know what that meant practically speaking but I just allowed it to happen, trusting it would become clear to me along the way.
In the period that followed my sessions with clients became more profound. My experience with Es Vedrá quickly moved to the background and was added to the list of remarkable experiences in my life so far.
"I felt that my channel (both physical and energetic) became increasingly clearer, allowing healing energy from higher dimensions to come through me."
January 1st, 2017 catapulted me yet again further on my journey of discovery. During a profound energetic experience I suddenly started speaking a different language. A language that had no resemblance with any language I had ever heard here on earth. This language turned out to be light language. Slowly but surely several light languages bubbled to the surface and I started speaking them during my sessions with clients. I felt that my channel (both physical and energetic) became increasingly clearer, allowing healing energy from higher dimensions to come through me. The sounds I transmitted were accompanied by all the colors of the rainbow. Geometric shapes and a varied group of multidimensional beings also started contributing to balancing and transforming energy.
On Dutch Liberation Day, May 5th, 2017, the next turning point in my life appeared. I had a vision: "I sell my house and I move to Ibiza". I didn’t doubt it for a minute. My experience at Es Vedrá, one and half year before, apparently had been the seed that had taken the time to take its roots and was now ready to blossom. Many people say about Ibiza that if the island calls you, everything goes smoothly. Nothing could be further from the truth. I sold my house (and many of my belongings) in Amsterdam and left at the beginning of September that year towards the Spanish sun. Just a few weeks later I found my tranquil house in the middle of the campo.
"My higher consciousness was able to continue to descend into my physical body leaving me feeling softer, more flexible and more powerful than ever before."
Brightness of my soul
I lived as a monk and my need to write moved to the background. The daily kundalini yoga, meditation, drumming and the speaking and singing of light languages for hours at a time caused me to sink deeper into my being. That which had been hidden from my inner eye until then, was ready to be integrated. My higher consciousness was able to continue to descend into my physical body leaving me feeling softer, more flexible and more powerful than ever before. Ibiza felt like my docking station, a charging point that allowed me to further uncover the brightness of my soul.
Unconditional love and freedom
I’ve learned to look beyond the form and allow deep fears to be transformed. I’m grateful for everything that has ever come my way. The obstacles in my life that seemed blocking the road, turned out to be great gifts. They taught me to see that everything is an invitation to get closer to my true essence and that by doing so I’m able to see the others’ essence too. It was necessary to be able to feel the unconditional love and freedom that I now carry in my cells.
"With every step I take the path unfolds."
In June 2018 it became clear that a new phase was presenting itself. During two predictive dreams, I was invited by the spirit of Hawaii to come visit her islands. A new assignment was planned. The deep transforming time in Ibiza felt complete for that moment and at the end of August 2018 I left for two and a half months to visit the tropical island group in the pacific.
"I am the traveler and my soul is the tour guide. The tour guide has already largely clarified the plan, so why should I as a traveler think that I know better?"
My soul as a tour guide
I arrived at Hawaii with an assignment that was still invisible to me. I knew, it would become clear by itself. I have learned to trust that every answer will be presented at exactly the right time. So I don't search, ponder and worry, but step 'aside' and surrender to what my soul has in store for me. I am the traveler and my soul is the tour guide. The tour guide has already largely clarified the plan, so why should I as a traveler think that I know better? This way of life cannot be grasped by the logic of the mind, so I have largely abandoned those attempts. It feels free and sometimes unclear. But yes, in the space of not knowing the most surprising gifts arise.
Pele, the goddess of fire
The primal force and the ancient wisdom that is hidden in the volcanic depth of these islands has awakened new depths inside of me. It feels like my roots have since reached the core of Mother Earth. I was guided by my invisible tour guide. Big Island, Maui and Kauai invited me to go deep, very deep, to say goodbye to old energies and to face my own primal force. Instead of a sun-sea-beach vacation, it was a two-and-a-half-month-long Shamanic Soul Journey. The rawness of nature, the destructive and creative power of Pele, the goddess of the volcano ... I was taught by this goddess of fire. What an honor and what an adventure. She left no chip and burned everything that was ready for the light. It makes me feel small and big at the same time.
"Hordes of ancestors emerged from the lava everywhere I was."
I climbed the volcanoes Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa, Haleakala and Kilauea, I was a channel during invisible ceremonies with ancestors in ancient heiaus (temples), I swam with dolphins and danced with manta rays, I lived for six weeks in a van on the lava, meditated until I was as light as a feather, participated in shamanic ceremonies, lived in a paradise community in the middle of a rainforest, danced on the beach, talked to the mountains and dreamed my deepest dreams. And with all of that, deep wisdom from other times constantly came to the surface to become accessible again through my channel for our collective consciousness. Hordes of ancestors emerged from the lava everywhere I was. I spoke all those light languages as easily as I breathe. It has now become second nature to me, it just happens.
I am now back on European soil and the effect is so tangible: I am stronger than ever connected to Mother Earth and all her elements. Solid and stable at the basis and even more effortlessly able to surrender to the meaning of my life. The safer I feel in myself, the easier it is to live in surrender and embrace the unknown.
Ibiza - part 2
At the end of March 2019 I left again by car to Ibiza. In the weeks before it felt like I was going to meet the love of my life again, such a great feeling of 'being welcome' filled and surrounded me. This magical island was my docking station where silence shared its inspiration with me. I loved the quietness so I was able to work on many online series that I felt guided to put together. I love to support you in re-connecting with your multidimensional self, so that you too can surrender to the deepest depths of what your soul has in store for you.
And the journey continues
After a very inspiring time on Ibiza I lived in Costa Rica and Guatemala for 10 months. I will later update my story here, because it continues to be an adventurous ride. I'm in Northern California (United Stateds) right now, working with the energies of the magical energy of Mount Shasta.
In between my travels I sometimes visit the Netherlands to give one-on-one sessions and group transmissions in person. Moreover, I provide both online one-on-one sessions and online transmissions via Zoom, wherever I am in the world.
I love you,
I’m a mediator between different worlds
channeling the energy of different dimensions.
Guided and inspired by nature
with all its elements and living beings.
Living in the moment
Merging with the light
In service of the world
I bow for everything that exists
All is well
We are one